100 Benefits of Mediatation

100 Benefits of Meditation

Physiological benefits:

1. It lowers oxygen consumption.

2. It decreases respiratory rate.

3. It increases blood flow and slows the heart rate.

4. Increases exercise tolerance.

5. Leads to a deeper level of physical relaxation.

6. Good for people with high blood pressure.

7. Reduces anxiety attacks by lowering the levels of blood lactate.

8. Decreases muscle tension

9. Helps in chronic diseases like allergies, arthritis etc.

10. Reduces Pre-menstrual Syndrome symptoms.

11. Helps in post-operative healing.

12. Enhances the immune system.

13. Reduces activity of viruses and emotional distress

14. Enhances energy, strength and vigor.

15. Helps with weight loss

16. Reduction of free radicals, less tissue damage

17. Higher skin resistance

18. Drop in cholesterol levels, lowers risk of cardiovascular disease.

19. Improved flow of air to the lungs resulting in easier breathing.

20. Decreases the aging process.

21. Higher levels of DHEAS (Dehydroepiandrosterone)

22. Prevented, slowed or controlled pain of chronic diseases

23. Makes you sweat less

24. Cure headaches & migraines

25. Greater Orderliness of Brain Functioning

26. Reduced Need for Medical Care

27. Less energy wasted

28. More inclined to sports, activities

29. Significant relief from asthma

30. Improved performance in athletic events

31. Normalizes to your ideal weight

32. Harmonizes our endocrine system

33. Relaxes our nervous system

34. Produce lasting beneficial changes in brain electrical activity

35. Helps cure infertility (the stresses of infertility can interfere with the release 

of hormones that regulate ovulation).

Psychological benefits:

36. Builds self-confidence.

37. Increases serotonin level, influences mood and behaviour.

38. Resolve phobias & fears

39. Helps control own thoughts

40. Helps with focus & concentration

41. Increase creativity

42. Increased brain wave coherence.

43. Improved learning ability and memory.

44. Increased feelings of vitality and rejuvenation.

45. Increased emotional stability.

46. Improved relationships

47. Mind ages at slower rate

48. Easier to remove bad habits

49. Develops intuition

50. Increased Productivity

51. Improved relations at home & at work

52. Able to see the larger picture in a given situation

53. Helps ignore petty issues

54. Increased ability to solve complex problems

55. Purifies your character

56. Develop will power

57. Greater communication between the two brain hemispheres

58. Respond more quickly and more effectively to a stressful event.

59. Increases ones perceptual ability and motor performance

60. Higher intelligence growth rate

61. Increased job satisfaction

62. Increase in the capacity for intimate contact with loved ones

63. Decrease in potential mental illness

64. Better, more sociable behaviour

65. Less aggressiveness

66. Helps in quitting smoking, alcohol addiction

67. Reduces need and dependency on drugs, pills & pharmaceuticals

68. Need less sleep to recover from sleep deprivation

69. Require less time to fall asleep, helps cure insomnia

70. Increases sense of responsibility

71. Reduces road rage

72. Decrease in restless thinking

73. Decreased tendency to worry

74. Increases listening skills and empathy

75. Helps make more accurate judgments

76. Greater tolerance

77. Gives composure to act in considered & constructive ways

78. Grows a stable, more balanced personality

79. Develops emotional maturity

Spiritual benefits:

80. Helps keep things in perspective

81. Provides peace of mind, happiness

82. Helps you discover your purpose in life

83. Increased self-actualization.

84. Increased compassion

85. Growing wisdom

86. Deeper understanding of yourself and others

87. Brings body, mind, and spirit in harmony

88. Deeper Level of spiritual relaxation

89. Increased acceptance of one self

90. Helps learn forgiveness

91. Changes attitude toward life

92. Creates a deeper relationship with your God

93. Increases the synchronicity in your life

94. Greater inner-directedness

95. Helps living in the present moment

96. Creates a widening, deepening capacity for love

97. Discovery of the power and consciousness beyond the ego

98. Experience an inner sense of Assurance or Knowingness

99. Experience a sense of Oneness

100. Leads to enlightenment

Coach V/s Manager

http://www.tlnt.com/2013/06/25/5-coaching-skills-that-every-manager-needs-to-have/

• Coaches take an “Ask vs. Tell” approach. Don’t tell the employee what to do, instead ask powerful questions. This allows the employee to create their own solutions. When they go through the thought process to get to resolution, they are much more bought-in — it’s their idea!
• Coaches focus on the employee vs. the task — it’s about their development.
• Coaching is not about “fixing” anyone. Again, it’s about their development and facilitating the learning process.
• Coaches set up a clear accountability structure for action and outcomes. It helps keep the employee focused on achieving the desired goals.
• Coaching is something that can/should happen as needed and in-the-moment, which is the best way for learning to occur. It’s a great way to reinforce what may have been learned in the classroom by capitalizing on those on-the-job learning experiences.

Acting more like a coach

So how can a Manager behave more like a Coach?

1. Ask good questions to enable the process.
2. Meet the employee where they are.
3. Guide the conversation (through questions, not directives) to a mutual agreement of the priorities of development.
4. Ensure that the feedback information is heard and understood by the employee. Again, asking clarifying questions is the best way to do this.
5. Do your part to support the employee through a shared commitment to their goals, responsibilities and action steps.

Coaching = Effective Conversations

What makes a conversation “effective”? It’s about a dialogue (asking), not a monologue (telling). The best coaching questions are:

• Open-ended;
• Focused on useful outcomes; and,
• Non-judgmental (avoid asking “why?”).

Here are some examples of good open-ended questions compared to the close-ended version:

Open-ended/  Inviting Questions	Close-ended/  Evaluative Questions
What is the status on “x”?	Are you finished yet?
How can I help you?	Do you have a problem?
Can you tell me about that error?	Did you make that mistake?
	Will this really solve the problem?
Walk me through your thought process?	What made you think that was a good idea?
What other approaches might you take next time?	That’s clear enough, isn’t it?/ Didn’t I go over this already?
How are your emotions influencing your perception of the situation?	Why didn’t you do “x”?

25 New rights of Purchasing

http://www.nextlevelpurchasing.com/articles/5-rights-of-purchasing.html

So, I present you with Part I of the "25 New Rights of Purchasing," starting with modern variations on the original "5 Rights”.

1. Right Total Cost or Value - The original label of "right price" is insufficient today, as complex purchasing decisions are based on total cost or value not price, which is only one component of total cost. Total cost and value vary from product to product, service to service, and supplier to supplier. As such, the lowest priced product or service isn't necessarily the one with the lowest total cost or highest value.
2. Right Availability - Originally called "Right Time," this "right" meant getting a product or service when you wanted it. Today, many options beyond the classic delivery model such as consignment, integrated supply, vendor-held inventory, just-in-time, and other practices require more up-to-the-minute supplier flexibility than just meeting a date on a PO.
3. Right Place - Indicating that the product or service has to be delivered where needed makes the name of this "right" still relevant. However, modern supply chain design makes use of central warehouses, distribution centers, and drop-ship destinations worldwide, requiring greater logistical proficiency.
4. Right Quality - This "right" can also keep its name, although the widespread adoption of newer quality programs like Six Sigma, Lean, and Lean Six Sigma have raised the bar for what the "right quality" is!
5. Right Quantity - What's "right" about quantity is now beyond simply ensuring that the number of items in a box matches the packing slip. Today's suppliers can help you optimize inventory levels, work towards lead time reductions, and do other things that help you not buy more than you need to.
6. Right Product or Service - As a purchasing professional, part of your job is ensuring that demand is satisfied by supply. Traditionally, this meant ordering a product that matched what the end user specified and getting the proper quantity delivered on-time. Today, you are counted on to know the products and services you buy at least as well as your internal customers to verify that the ideal product or service is being specified.
7. Right Warranty - As businesses now focus on lifecycle costs and cradle-to-grave value, getting a product that works upon delivery isn't enough: you now must secure assurances that the products or services you buy will serve your organization for the long-term. You should negotiate the optimal warranty for all significant purchases.
8. Right Payment Terms - With interest rates being so low for years and little upward movement expected, organizations rely on purchasing professionals more than ever to improve cash flow. You do so by negotiating longer payment terms and obtaining early payment discounts that exceed returns from alternate cash uses.
9. Right Innovation - Almost every organization wants to build an advantage over competitors. As such, you must look to your supply base for innovative ideas that will give your organization a unique value proposition unmatched by competitors.
10. Right Social Responsibility - In order to compensate for past societal inequities, broaden their appeal to certain demographic segments of their client bases, and/or to improve their public image, today's organizations try to direct percentages of their spend to diversity suppliers, local suppliers, small businesses, and other classes of suppliers. You need to ensure that these special groups are given the opportunities desired.

11. Right Environmental Responsibility - Today, organizations seek to either gain a competitive advantage or assuage consumer concerns by ensuring that their supply chains are environmentally-friendly. Therefore, you are expected to select suppliers and products that embrace recycling, avoid deforestation, show care for animal welfare, and utilize other methods of preserving elements of the environment.
12. Right Ethics - As a purchasing professional, you are expected to act ethically and should expect the same of your suppliers. Whether it be adhering to "no backdoor selling" policies or refusing to participate in international dealings that may be deemed "bribery" in their customers' countries, you must hold your suppliers to a high standard for respectability so that your organization doesn't get associated with unethical behavior.
13. Right Supplier Support - Your internal customers expect your suppliers to "be there" when they are needed. This may mean offering a 24x7 call center, providing on-site assistance, or having some other form of on-demand support. Having operational difficulties prolonged due to unavailable or inadequate supplier support can damage your credibility with internal customers.
14. Right Risk Management - Force Majeure events used to give suppliers excuses for failing to perform. Not anymore. Great suppliers are expected to have risk management strategies that enable them to recover quickly from such events. You should evaluate a prospective supplier's risk management strategy for all critical buys.
15. Right Financial Stability - Being negatively impacted by a supplier's seemingly sudden downsizing or insolvency is usually preventable if you have a decent knowledge of finance and you evaluate a supplier's financial statements before agreeing to an important deal.
16. Right Commitment to Continuous Improvement - The world constantly changes. In business, competition seems to get fiercer and fiercer every day. As such, organizations need to improve just to maintain the success they have today. For an organization to achieve maximum improvement, its suppliers must continually improve. Therefore, you need to seek out suppliers with a track record and culture of continuous improvement.
17. Right Technology - Technological developments make doing business faster, easier, and less expensive. If your organization is ahead of the pack in terms of technology, you need to find suppliers who can work with that technology for maximum efficiency. If your organization is a technological laggard, you can find suppliers who can help your organization catch up and remain competitive.
18. Right Contractual Terms - It's ideal for you if your suppliers simply accept your organization's standard contractual terms. Unfortunately, some suppliers will resist agreeing to certain terms as-is and changes to some of those terms - like indemnity, limit of liability, etc. - can increase the risk that your organization bears. Sometimes, one supplier's resistance to your contractual terms solely justifies selecting a different supplier.
19. Right Reputation - Whether they are involved in a fatal factory fire, bribery scandal, or other newsworthy controversies, suppliers with bad reputations negatively affect public perception of your organization. To protect your organization's brand, it is important to do business with suppliers who are thought of positively by the public.
20. Right Experience - Anyone can say that they can meet a buyer's requirements, but a history of doing so becomes more important when you purchase more expensive and/or critical goods or services.
21. Right Agility - Business - and the world - is constantly changing. Procurement professionals like you need to be agile in order to keep up with and take advantage of change. This means that you need suppliers who are at least equally agile and can adapt their products, services, processes, and the like as business conditions change.
22. Right Convenience - The accelerating pace of business means that everyone is trying to do things fast. Sometimes, quality unacceptably suffers in the pursuit of speed. This requires you to ensure that the best thing for your internal customers to do is also their most convenient option. Therefore, it's important to select suppliers that offer convenience in their ordering and other processes.
23. Right Safety Practices - Your organization probably has high standards for ensuring employee safety. Therefore, you should ensure that your suppliers have equally high standards. Public blame for a safety lapse at a supplier's facility is often placed as much on the customer as on the supplier.
24. Right Compliance - Just as a supplier safety violation can reflect poorly on your organization, so can a supplier violation of law, particularly if related to child or slave labor. Plus, your organization could be charged with violating a law as the result of illegal activity in your supply chain. Evaluate a supplier's compliance during the sourcing process as well as throughout that supplier relationship.
25. Right Country - A decade ago, "low cost country sourcing" was all the rage. Today, global sourcing looks at more than just cost to determine if a country is the "right country" for finding suppliers. From safety standards to susceptibility to natural disasters to political stability and more, there are many things to evaluate when deciding on a country in which to source.

Purchasing Principles  - 5 rights of Purchasing

http://www.citeman.com/7140-purchasing-principles.html

The success of any manufacturing activity is largely dependent on the procurement of materials of right quality, in the right quantities, from the right source, at right time and at right price – popularly known as five ‘R’s of the art of efficient purchasing .

They are also described as the basic principles of purchasing as under:

1) To purchase the right quality of materials;
2) To purchase the materials in right quantities;
3) To make the materials available at right time;
4) To purchase the material at right price;
5) To purchase the materials from the right source.

They briefly explained as under:

Right quality: The materials are the basic input and the quality of the output. It should be noted that best quality is not always the right quality. The right quality is determined by the cost of the material and the technical characteristics as suited to the specific requirements. The right quality should be defined clearly and should be described in terms of specifications. Generally the quality decisions are made by the technical staff. The quality specifications are controlled before the materials are issued for the manufacturing processes. The quality testing is done through the inspection either at supplier’s plant or at buyer’s plant.

Right quantity: The right quantity of the materials is determined on the basis of economic ordering quantity (E.O.Q). It is advantageous to purchase the materials on the basis of EOQ lots. The EOQ describes the size of the order at which the ordering costs and the inventory carrying cost will be the minimum. The ordering cost consists of the cost of paper processing such as paper, typing, postage, filing, cost of personnel; the costs incidental to order placing such as follow up, receiving, inspection etc. If the size of the order is large, the annual requirements will be met with little of the ordering cost as the number of orders placed would tend to be less. Conversely, storing cost consists of interest on funds locked up in storing, cost of storing, cost of insurance and taxes etc. If few orders involving large quantities are placed, the carrying cost will increase; however, the ordering cost will decrease due to less number of orders. Thus ordering cost and carrying costs are mutually exclusive. At EOQ level both these cots equate each other and at this point, the total inventory cost would be at the minimum. The EOQ is calculated on the basis of the following formula:

EOQ = √2RD /CS

Where R = annual requirements of the materials in units

D = Ordering cost per order

C = Cost per unit

S = Storing cost as the value of materials stored.

Right time: The materials should be purchased at right time so that it may not result in either excess investment in the stocks or may result into stock outs. Efforts must be made to replenish the materials at a point where they are reaching at the reordering level. The purchase action is initiated at a tome when the material reaches to its pre-decided reordering level. The reordering level is decided on the basis of the rate of consumption and the lead time. It should be decided on the basis of the probability of maximum periodic consumption and maximum lead time. As stock holding is directly related with the lead time, efforts should be directed towards the reduction of the lead time so that carrying costs can be reduced to the minimum.

Right price: The investments in inventories are determined by the prices charged for them. All attempts should be made to procure the materials at right price because a slightest reduction in the price results in substantial absolute monetary gain. It should be noted that the low bidder is not always the best bidder. The right price can be availed through searching for the proper sources of supply and comparing all such sources on some scientific basis. The quotations of various suppliers are compared after bringing them all on some common footing. Due considerations are also given to the factors such as regularity of supply, character of the supplier his financial standing etc. The price is an agreement between the buyer and the suppliers the former considers his utility while the latter takes into account his cost of production. The market conditions greatly effect the price determination.

Right source: The right source is a key consideration in purchasing as all other ‘R’s. The suppliers are not only supplying the required materials but they also supply the information such as probable market conditions and the resultant price trends, general industrial climate and the business environment. The selection of right source involves the considerations such as search for the more and more sources, selection of the appropriate source through some scientific analysis, negotiating with the selected supplier and post purchase rating of the supplier.

Astrology Topics for Learning

http://vedicastrologyblog.com/training/cva-visharada-ekam-prep-course/

1. What is Jyotish, and its relation to the Vedas.
2. Name four key historical figures in Jyotish.
3. Name four classical texts of Vedic astrology.
4. Name the Six Limbs of Jyotisha.
5. The fundamentals of Parashari and Jaimini systems of astrology.
6. The relationship between astrology and Auyurveda, Vastu, Yoga, and Palmestry.
7. The differences between the Sidereal and Tropical zodiacs.
8. What is Ayanamsa is, and be able to list the name and value of the “official” one in India.
9. 1. The Natural benefic and malefic planets.
   2. The Temporal benefic and malefic planets based on Lagna.
   3. The permanent friends and temporal friends.
10. Each planet’s rulership, exaltation, debilitation, and mulatrikona.
11. The characteristics and qualities of the planets, including guna, element, karaka, and planetary camp.
12. Basic astronomical principles of Vedic astrology.
13. Shadbala
14. The Sanskrit names for all planets, signs, houses, and nakshatras.
15. The characteristics of the signs, including elements, guna, body parts, and qualities.
16. The importance of Lagna.
17. The different chart styles: Rashi, Bhava, North & South Indian, Chandra & Surya Lagna.
18. The different house systems, e.g. Sri Pati, Equal.
19. The qualities of the houses, including kendras, trikonas, upachaya, dustana, apachaya, maraka.
20. How the houses relate to the four aims of life.
21. Which houses the malefic or benefic planets best function in.
22. The House Karakas.
23. The topics and indications of each house.
24. How temporal malefics and benefics are determined.
25. How to use Bhavat Bhavam.
26. The planetary aspects.
27. What is Sambandha.
28. The nature and effects of planetary conjunctions.
29. What are planetary Yogas
30. Knowledge of the following yogas: Mahapurusha, Raja, Vipreet Raja, Dhana, Daridra, Sannyasa, Papakartari, Shubhakatari, Gajakesari, Chandra, Balarishta, and Kala Sarpa.
31. What is Kuja dosha and Kendradhipati dosha.
32. The rules for cancellation of debility.
33. How each planet functions for each Lagna
34. The three main factors examined when determining the affairs of a house
35. The three main factors used to determine if a planet is strong or weak in the chart.
36. Know why we blend natural and temporal status of planet during analysis.
37. Name four important Vargas
38. How to calculate the Navamsa and Drekkana charts mentally (in your head).
39. Knowledge of the  Nakshatras by name, zodiacal location and planetary ruler.
40. Knowledge of general muhurta functions of the Nakshatras.
41. What factors are used in relationship compatibility
42. Gandanta.
43. Vimshotari dasha: how to calculate, how to interpret.
44. Some Rashi based dasha systems.
45. Gochara, including Sadesati
46. Explain the terms Varshapal, Prasna, and Muhurta
47. The Jaimini Planetary Karakas.
48. Name the five factors of Panchanga.
49. What is Astakavarga.
50. The important specifics of remedial measures, including color, gems, planetary yantras, charity, planetary mantras, yajnas, and pujas.
51. The nine planetary deities and their use in remedial measures.
52. The role, skill and responsibilities of being an professional Vedic astrologer.
53. A thorough knowledge of the introductory Sanskrit terms that are used in this study guide.

Questions CEO should check while embracing new technology

Inspired by an Article in McKinsey Quarterly on IT

1. How will Technology change the basis of competition in our industry?

• Who are our emerging competitors?
• How is technology helping us win against traditional and new competitors?
• How can we use technology to enter new markets?

2. What will it take to exceed our customers’ expectations in a digital world?

Questions to ask:

• How does our customer experience compare with that of leaders in other sectors?
• What will our customers expect in the future, and what will it take to delight them?
• Do we have clear plans for how to meet or exceed their expectations?

3. Do our business plans reflect the full potential of technology to improve our

Questions to ask:

• Has the P&L opportunity and threat from Technology been quantified by business unit and by market?
• Will our current plans fully capture the opportunity and neutralize the threat?
• What is the time horizon of these plans, and have they been factored into future financial projections for both business and Technology?

4. Is our portfolio of technology investments aligned with opportunities and threats?

Questions to ask:

• How well is our Technology investment portfolio aligned with business value with regard to opportunities and threats?
• How well does the portfolio balance short-term and long-term needs?
• Do we have effective value-assurance processes in place to mitigate execution risk?

5. How will Technology improve our operational and strategic agility?

Questions to ask:

• How does our business and Technology agility measure up with that of our competitors?
• How do our Technology plans increase our business and Technology agility?
• Are our sourcing relationships increasing or reducing our agility?

6. Do we have the capabilities required to deliver value from Technology?

Questions to ask:

• Do we have the capabilities needed to drive full value from our existing Technology systems?
• What are the weakest links in our capabilities?
• Do we have enough Techno-literate executives?
• What is our plan for upgrading capabilities?

7. Who is accountable for Technology and how do we hold them to account?

Questions to ask:

• What is our operating model for IT, and is it aligned with our business priorities?
• Who is accountable for delivering business value from IT—both overall and by activity?
• Are those accountable being measured using business-friendly scorecards that create the right incentives?

8. Are we comfortable with our level of Technology risk?

Questions to ask:

• Do we have a comprehensive understanding of the Technology risks we face?
• How is our level of Technology risk measured, and is it aligned with the company’s overall risk appetite?
• How are we reducing our Technology risk on an ongoing basis?
• Who is responsible for overseeing the level of Technology risk?

9. Are we making the most of our technology story?

Questions to ask:

• What are the key messages we should communicate?
• How, when, and to whom should they be communicated?

What to Do When You've Made Someone Angry by Peter Bregman

What to Do When You've Made Someone Angry

by Peter Bregman  

from Harvard Business Review Blog

I was running late. My wife Eleanor and I had agreed to meet at the restaurant at seven o'clock and it was already half past. I had a good excuse in the form of a client meeting that ran over and I wasted no time getting to the dinner as fast as possible.

When I arrived at the restaurant, I apologized and told her I didn't mean to be late.

She answered: "You never mean to be late." Uh oh, she was mad.

"Sorry," I retorted, "but it was unavoidable." I told her about the client meeting. Not only did my explanations not soothe her, they seemed to make things worse. That started to make me angry.

That dinner didn't turn out to be our best.

Several weeks later, when I was describing the situation to a friend of mine, Ken Hardy, a professor of family therapy, he smiled.

"You made a classic mistake," he told me.

"Me? I made the mistake?" I was only half joking.

"Yes. And you just made it again," he said. "You're stuck in your perspective: You didn't mean to be late. But that's not the point. The point is that you were late. The point — and what's important in your communication — is how your lateness impacted Eleanor."

In other words, I was focused on my intention while Eleanor was focused on the consequences. We were having two different conversations. In the end, we both felt unacknowledged, misunderstood, and angry.

The more I thought about what Ken said, the more I recognized that this battle — intention vs. consequences — was the root cause of so much interpersonal discord.

As it turns out, it's not the thought that counts or even the action that counts. That's because the other person doesn't experience your thought or your action. They experience the consequences of your action.

Here's another example: You send an email to a colleague telling him you think he could have spoken up more in a meeting.

He replies to the email, "Maybe if you spoke less, I would have had an opportunity to say something!"

That obviously rankles you. Still, you send off another email trying to clarify the first email: "I didn't mean to offend you, I was trying to help." And then maybe you add some dismay at the aggressiveness of his response.

But that doesn't make things better. He quotes the language of your first email back to you. "Don't you see how it reads?" He asks. "BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" You write back, IN CAPS.

So how do you get out of this downward spiral?

It's stunningly simple, actually. When you've done something that upsets someone — no matter who's right — always start the conversation by acknowledging how your actions impacted the other person. Save the discussion about your intentions for later. Much later. Maybe never. Because, in the end, your intentions don't matter much.

What if you don't think the other person is right — or justified — in feeling the way they do? It doesn't matter. Because you're not striving for agreement. You're going for understanding.

What should I have said to Eleanor?

"I see you're angry. You've been sitting here for 30 minutes and that's got to be frustrating. And it's not the first time. Also, I can see how it seems like I think being with a client gives me permission to be late. I'm sorry you had to sit here waiting for so long."

All of that is true. Your job is to acknowledge their reality — which is critical to maintaining the relationship. As Ken described it to me: "If someone's reality, as they see it, is negated, what motivation do they have to stay in the relationship?"

In the email back and forth I described earlier, instead of clarifying what you meant, consider writing something like: "I could see how my criticizing your performance — especially via email — feels obnoxious to you. How it sounds critical and maybe dismissive of your efforts in the meeting."

I said this was simple but I didn't say it was easy.

The hardest part is our emotional resistance. We're so focused on our own challenges that it's often hard to acknowledge the challenges of others. Especially if we are their challenge and they are ours. Especially when they lash out at us in anger. Especially when we feel misunderstood. In that moment, when we empathize with them and their criticism of our behavior, it almost feels like we're betraying ourselves.

But we're not. We're just empathizing.

Here's a trick to make it easier. While they're getting angry at you, imagine, instead, that they're angry at someone else. Then react as you would in that situation. Probably you'd listen and let them know you see how angry they are.

And if you never get to explain your intentions? What I have found in practice — and this surprised me — is that once I've expressed my understanding of the consequences, my need to justify my intentions dissipates.

That's because the reason I'm explaining my intentions in the first place is to repair the relationship. But I've already accomplished that by empathizing with their experience. At that point, we're both usually ready to move on.

And if you do still feel the need? You'll still have the opportunity, once the other person feels seen, heard, and understood.

If we succeed in doing all this well, we'll often find that, along with our relationships, something else gets better: our behavior.

After that last conversation with Eleanor — after really understanding the consequences of my lateness on her — somehow, someway, I've managed to be on time a lot more frequently. 

Data Monitoring Template

Metric

Actual

Target

Status

Trend

Benchmark

Who Monitors

Who owns

Update period

Tracking